October 16, 2021

HOW TO ALWAYS BE IN CONTROL

6 min read

what that means for you is you are likely to be moodier than average to experience feelings such as anxiety worry fear anger frustration envy jealousy guilt depression and loneliness so that’s a quite wide range of emotions right but if you notice something in common of all of those emotions is that they’re all quite a negative right so you tend to have a lot of negative self-talk and you tend to be caught in like this spiraling sort of action in your own head where these negative emotions can heighten and build on top of each other.

now some neuroticism is healthy because it’s basically saying that oh something’s not right like caution let’s fix it okay but obviously anything when you tilt way too far down the spectrum then you can start to just live in that negativity all day all day air day right and that’s hectic that’s super hectic so yes the control spectrum is stable or neurotic so does that mean that neurotic means unstable yeah yeah it does in a certain way yes so if you go all the way to neurotic that would mean that you are highly unstable highly um susceptible to others opinions your environmental factors your own negative thoughts, you’re very much vulnerable in that space which is why that’s the opposite of neurotic is stable, if this is you if you’re like yo i need a lot of control of my life ask yourself this question am i actually afraid of losing control like what happens if i lose control is that going to be a really bad day like how is that going to go right um so really for you then you’re actually trying to be controlling of your life.

you’re trying to control everything that’s in it you might be taking your need for control to the extreme to where you’re actually showing up as controlling especially on your bad days right so the first ground rule for us is you will never be in control of external factors ground rule number two the only control you have is how you act and react so if we agree on those two things then how you always stay in control is how you manage yourself are you able to manage yourself and now this conversation becomes a conversation about self-awareness it’s not a conversation about control anymore it’s not a conversation about new artists neuroticism anymore it’s a conversation about self-awareness so if we are aware of who it is that we are and how we react and behave and how our emotions are doing in certain scenarios we will always be in control and i kid you not there was an article that had 20 things you should do to always be in control holy if you tell anybody to do this like they’re gonna be so overwhelmed you guys i truly believe that that is just clutter and i want to cut through all that and arm you with these three key strategies okay and these three strategies are the fundamentals if you have the base correct everything else that you build on it is gonna be strong the first strategies hack number one do you create space to reflect now if you are highly neurotic and if your mood is fluctuating throughout the day please create moments of self-reflection every day but self-reflection should absolutely be a part of your journey to always being in control so do you like journaling is that a nice way where you can write down your reflections of the day what went wrong what went right maybe you like to walk right you’re a kinesthetic learner so you like to get your body moving so getting on a walk alone and reflecting through what didn’t work today how could i have done today better this is not about going through your entire life this is not about going through your past this is about your current actions today and what you can learn from it what you can distill from it to be better tomorrow to show up better tomorrow second hack for you y’all ready for this is being aware of your range of emotions emotions are not at all bad my emotions flow through me like a volcano and so you need to be aware of that and need to find strategies to bring that back to equilibrium it’s very exhausting for your brain to just bounce around with emotions and be moody and shift to different moods okay it’s very very taxing it takes a lot of energy so you might actually feel tired at the end of the day because of this right also negative negative emotion is more taxing because your muscles as a result are actually clenched right so your face muscles are clenched your arm muscles are clenched everything’s just like tight because you’re feeling negative right you want to punch someone in the freaking face like that’s not a joke right that your body is like ready to to like fight or flight right or freeze and all of those things are very stressful for for the human right you’re it’s not how we’re meant to live we’re just not have compassion with yourself please if you are aware that oh my god i’m getting frustrated do you have enough self-awareness in that moment to be like whoa i need a minute create that space for yourself to just to just distance right and do the thing that you love do the thing that makes you happy collect yourself and come back to equilibrium before you show up third hack breathing here is the research and i’m very excited about this research we intuitively know that breathing is good for you but there are specific ways to breathe that are actually even better so nose breathing it forces you to slow down and hopefully you’ve practiced belly breaths not just uh chest breaths belly breaths so that the breath goes deep in and your nose the way that it functions it has these systems built into place where it’s connected really well with your tissues and your organs so it effectively transports the oxygen to those places and the system is there for us to benefit off of okay so let’s use it i mean it’s like the easiest way to feel like you’re in control so while you’re breathing make sure that your self-talk is positive and then at the end of the day you just gotta self-reflect that’s it these three skills are life skills they are going to set you up for success like in a robust way i i don’t ever want you to feel like you know being neurotic is bad or having emotions is bad or being spontaneous is bad like these are not bad things so remove that self-talk hey the last thing i’m gonna leave you with and this is for everybody who loves those motivational quotes your most important decision is the next one okay so you’re just here to focus on today how can i be better for the next thing that i’m gonna decide i hope this one was um it brought some clarity especially if you’re feeling like you’re a little bit out of control if you’re feeling like you want more control in your life because the world is a show right now you know and sometimes that’s just the way it is but as long as inside we’re not a show we’re good to go we can you know make the next best decision.

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